BREMERTON, WA - Christopher Coulter and his wife, Emily, were engaging
in bondage games when Christopher suggested spreading peanut butter on
his genitals and letting Rudy, their Irish Setter, lick them clean.
Sadly, Rudy lost control and began tearing at Christopher's penis and
testicles.
Rudy refused to obey commands and a panicked Emily threw a half-gallon bottle of perfume at the dog. The bottle broke, covering the dog and Christopher with perfume. Startled, Rudy leaped back, tearing away the penis. While trying to get her unconscious husband in the car to take him to the hospital, Emily fell twice, injuring her wrist and ankle.
Christopher's penis was in a Styrofoam ice cooler. "Chris is just plain lucky," said the surgeon who spent eight hours reattaching the penis. "Believe it or not, the perfume turned out to be very fortuitous. The high alcohol content, which must have been excruciatingly painful, helped sterilize the wound. Also, aside from its being removed, the damage caused by the dog's teeth to the penis per se is minimal. It's really a very stringy piece of flesh. Mr. Coulter stands an excellent chance of regaining the use of his limb because of this."
Washington Animal Control has no plans to seize Rudy.
Weird Facts
The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer.
Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
Betsy Ross is the only real person to ever have been the head on a Pez dispenser.
The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; "7" was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces. "UP" indicated the direction of the bubbles.
No standard 8 1/2 x 11 piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
One in every four Americans has appeared on television.
Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.
A Boeing 747's wingspan is longer than the Wright brothers' first flight.
The albatross drinks sea water. It has a special desalinization apparatus that strains out and excretes all excess salt.
In Clarendon, Texas, there is reportedly a law on the books that lawyers must accept eggs, chickens, or other produce, as well as money, as payment of legal fees.
Cats purr at 26 cycles per second, the same as an idling diesel engine.
A dragonfly flaps its wings 20 to 40 times a second, bees and houseflies 200 times, some mosquitoes 600 times, and a tiny gnat 1,000 times.
Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
The United States has never lost a war in which mules were used.
Blueberry Jelly Bellies were created especially for Ronald Reagan.
All porcupines float in water.
Non-dairy creamer is flammable.
School Answering Service
California's Pacific Palisades High School and its teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes, according to the Paul Harris radio show on KTRS in St. Louis. So the teachers voted unanimously to record this answering machine message on the school telephone answering system:
"Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting the right staff member, please listen to all your options before making a selection:
* To lie about why your child is absent, press 1.
* To make excuses for why your child did not do his work, press 2.
* To complain about what we do, press 3.
* To swear at staff members, press 4.
* To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you, press 5.
* If you want us to raise your child, press 6.
* If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone, press 7.
* To request another teacher for the third time this year, press 8.
* To complain about bus transportation, press 9.
* To complain about school lunches, press 0.
* If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework, and that it's not the teachers' fault for your children's lack of effort...hang up and have a nice day!"
It's the late 1980's, and this technician's boss at a nonprofit agency has a brainstorm.
"He wanted to provide a menu-driven telephone system that would let local boaters and fishermen call in for information on river levels," says the tech.
His further comments: "I was invited to a lunch with the local phone company to discuss it. Being new to the project, I started by asking what percentage of the targeted rural population had touch-tone phone service -- a must-have for menu-driven phone systems. As I remember, the chicken salad was delicious and the project was never discussed again."
Rudy refused to obey commands and a panicked Emily threw a half-gallon bottle of perfume at the dog. The bottle broke, covering the dog and Christopher with perfume. Startled, Rudy leaped back, tearing away the penis. While trying to get her unconscious husband in the car to take him to the hospital, Emily fell twice, injuring her wrist and ankle.
Christopher's penis was in a Styrofoam ice cooler. "Chris is just plain lucky," said the surgeon who spent eight hours reattaching the penis. "Believe it or not, the perfume turned out to be very fortuitous. The high alcohol content, which must have been excruciatingly painful, helped sterilize the wound. Also, aside from its being removed, the damage caused by the dog's teeth to the penis per se is minimal. It's really a very stringy piece of flesh. Mr. Coulter stands an excellent chance of regaining the use of his limb because of this."
Washington Animal Control has no plans to seize Rudy.
Weird Facts
The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer.
Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
Betsy Ross is the only real person to ever have been the head on a Pez dispenser.
The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; "7" was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces. "UP" indicated the direction of the bubbles.
No standard 8 1/2 x 11 piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
One in every four Americans has appeared on television.
Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.
A Boeing 747's wingspan is longer than the Wright brothers' first flight.
The albatross drinks sea water. It has a special desalinization apparatus that strains out and excretes all excess salt.
In Clarendon, Texas, there is reportedly a law on the books that lawyers must accept eggs, chickens, or other produce, as well as money, as payment of legal fees.
Cats purr at 26 cycles per second, the same as an idling diesel engine.
A dragonfly flaps its wings 20 to 40 times a second, bees and houseflies 200 times, some mosquitoes 600 times, and a tiny gnat 1,000 times.
Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
The United States has never lost a war in which mules were used.
Blueberry Jelly Bellies were created especially for Ronald Reagan.
All porcupines float in water.
Non-dairy creamer is flammable.
School Answering Service
California's Pacific Palisades High School and its teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes, according to the Paul Harris radio show on KTRS in St. Louis. So the teachers voted unanimously to record this answering machine message on the school telephone answering system:
"Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting the right staff member, please listen to all your options before making a selection:
* To lie about why your child is absent, press 1.
* To make excuses for why your child did not do his work, press 2.
* To complain about what we do, press 3.
* To swear at staff members, press 4.
* To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you, press 5.
* If you want us to raise your child, press 6.
* If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone, press 7.
* To request another teacher for the third time this year, press 8.
* To complain about bus transportation, press 9.
* To complain about school lunches, press 0.
* If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework, and that it's not the teachers' fault for your children's lack of effort...hang up and have a nice day!"
It's the late 1980's, and this technician's boss at a nonprofit agency has a brainstorm.
"He wanted to provide a menu-driven telephone system that would let local boaters and fishermen call in for information on river levels," says the tech.
His further comments: "I was invited to a lunch with the local phone company to discuss it. Being new to the project, I started by asking what percentage of the targeted rural population had touch-tone phone service -- a must-have for menu-driven phone systems. As I remember, the chicken salad was delicious and the project was never discussed again."
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